It was Valentine’s Day.  I had just finished my last class of the afternoon so I started the long walk across campus to the high school parking lot.  My big red minivan (handed down from my parents) was there waiting for me but this time it was covered in dozens of big heart-shaped mylar balloons.  My big red van covered in big red balloons.  I was delighted and humiliated all at the same time.  And as I got closer, I realized “I love you!” and nicknames my boyfriend had called me were written all over the van windows.  I knew he was the culprit. How did he transport ALL of those balloons and get on my campus?! I watched students stop and stare.  Thankfully this was back when they didn’t have cell phones with cameras to post what they were seeing!  Little did they know that six years later, the romantic boyfriend who tied balloons all over the van would become my husband.

I have always loved how fun and romantic my husband is – he makes me laugh, he really enjoys his life and he comes up with the craziest romantic ideas.  I wish I had time to tell you about the surprise limo, boat, AND a helicopter ride on the day of our engagement!  But one of my favorite things about my husband and our marriage is our friendship.  Long before we dated and tied balloons to minivans, we met in our church and became friends.  We spent years getting to know each other as we served together in church and hung out with mutual friends.  It was in building a friendship that I saw his love for God, his character, his other friendships, his strengths, and weaknesses, and I got to know his family and see how well he got along with them.  These things were very important to me if this was the man I was going to marry.  When you take time to build a friendship with your potential future husband, you are also inviting others along for the journey – your friends and family members get to see his life and weigh in on whether or not he is a man that makes sense for your future.  This is so healthy and helpful!  We need input along the way from loving people who can give us perspective.

We didn’t do everything perfectly in our years of friendship and eventually dating and breaking up and dating again and then finally marriage, haha, but I learned some really important things in our journey that I’d like to share with you.

My Four Steps to Marrying the Man of Your Dreams:

STEP 1: Start with a friendship…

“Sweet friendships refresh the soul and awaken our hearts with joy…” Proverbs 27:9 TPT

Building a healthy friendship is fun and refreshing and allows us to see into the heart and life of others, before making a lifetime commitment.  If your friend’s life and character aren’t lining up with the dreams you have for your future, then he isn’t your husband!  Keep waiting.

STEP 2: Take it to God…

“Don’t be pulled in different directions or worried about a thing.  Be saturated in prayer throughout each day, offering your faith-filled requests before God with overflowing gratitude.  Tell him every detail of your life, then God’s wonderful peace that transcends human understanding will make the answers known to you through Jesus Christ.”  Philippians 4:6-7 TPT

Invite God into the process.  Put on some worship music, open your bible, and ask God what He thinks.  I remember a moment in my car when I was worshiping and praying and God gave me a specific verse that would guide my search for my future husband for years to come.  This verse gave me so much direction and peace!  You could try writing a dream list of what you want in a husband and pray through it until you see it in someone. Spend time with the friends who line up with those dreams.  Allow God to speak to you before you give away your heart.  He will help you guard your heart.  Get familiar with hearing from God and spend time praying for your future husband.  If you are wondering whether your friend should become more than a friend – ask God.  If you have questions about the relationship you are already in – ask God.  Hearing from God will determine your future.  

STEP 3: Confirm with a leader or pastor…

“Obey your spiritual leaders and recognize their authority, for they keep watch over your soul without resting since they will have to give an account to God…”  Hebrews 13:17 TPT

Be sure to involve your pastor.  The secret weapon behind every great relationship is listening to and relying on leaders who have already done it well.  I’m so thankful for Pastor Tami.  She was an incredible voice of wisdom both before and during my dating years with my husband.  She gave me practical advice, prayed for me, and listened to me and helped me navigate emotional seasons with wisdom from God.  We all need a trusted leader to walk us through ANY season of life – their perspective is so valuable.  

STEP 4: Mature in the waiting…

“Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.” Hebrews 10:23 MSG

There was a long season where my husband (then boyfriend) and I broke up to focus on our relationship with God.  The waiting was hard.  What I thought might be 6 months turned into 4 years!  But I had heard several verses from God that confirmed we would someday be married.  I kept praying the verses, kept waiting, and kept believing God’s promise despite my circumstances.  Those moments with God matured me – I learned how to pray harder and with greater faith.  I learned how to stop feeling sorry for myself and how to grow into the kind of wife I thought he would want to marry someday.  And now I have learned that life is FULL of seasons of waiting on God’s promises.  When my husband and I have had to believe God for His promises in our finances, careers, our home, our children, etc. we’ve done our best to enjoy the days of waiting rather than living in constant longing for the future.  God matures and strengthens us in the waiting!  And He has really great things planned for your future <3

I would love to hear which of the 4 steps helped you meet your husband or which one you think will help you in the future.

Pastor Jenny