How to Make Smart Decisions For Your Love Life - 4 Ways

#1 Decide to love forever... no matter what!

Being a women pastor, many brides asked me around their wedding day... “how can I be sure our love will last forever, even my parents who were married for years didn’t make it”?  This question puzzled me for a long time and I wanted to have an answer. I finally discovered the answer in the Bible. (Sometimes I need to remember the Bible holds the answers to all life’s big questions). 

So… how do you know… you can love him forever? 

The scriptures tell us God cannot love us any more or any less than he already does because his love is unconditional. Even when you are trying hard to be a good person and do all the right things, God doesn’t love you anymore and when you make mistakes he doesn’t love you any less. God’s love for us is unconditional and is always the same. He has decided not to base his love on our actions or attitudes. Instead, he has chosen to have a love for us based on commitment. And he asked us to follow his example... In John 13:34b …Love each other in the same way that I have loved you. 

I have decided to love my husband unconditionally when he is nice – I love him when he is not so nice -- I love him. You can decide to love your husband based on how God loves us unconditionally. God decided to love us and nothing will change that promise he made to us. 

Ask yourself …is your love based on feelings or on a commitment? Is your love a thermostat or a thermometer? When you love your husband like a thermostat, you set the temperature and you are in control of the decision of how long your love will last. I make a commitment to love him forever no matter how I feel. This is how to make a smart decision for your love life. A thermometer is controlled by outside conditions, this kind of love is based on how you feel when you get up in the morning. I only can love him if I feel it. The problem is we don’t always feel love. That is why Jesus asks us to love unconditionally just like he does.  His unconditional love lasts forever. The next time you give a toast at a wedding, tell them “To commit to love each other every day unconditionally, is a love that will last forever”. 

#2 Plan to be a giver... demonstrating your love and devotion!

Be the giver in the relationship. Jesus came to give. In Matthew‬ 20:28‬ it says...For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life.

We also should live to give! Nobody wants to be married to a taker. When you marry a man think about-- what you can do to help him become a better person. Most of us just think about what a husband can give to us. 

Asked yourself how can I be a blessing and help to him? Genesis 2:18 says … “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” The Bible encourages us to help him just like God helps us.  

The word helper is used to describe what the Holy Spirit does for us. In John 14:26 …the Holy Spirit is called “the helper”.  I love that women are called to help, assist and come alongside their husbands just like the Holy Spirit does. 

Make plans and write down the ways you can give.  It can be simple as taking his car through the car wash or dropping his clothes at the cleaners. Maybe you can send him an encouraging text saying I love you and I am proud of you because…!  Try buying him a thoughtful gift and surprising him with it. Or plan a date together with his favorite movie and popcorn.  A great marriage is the union of two great givers. 

#3 Be smart and know what a man needs from a woman...sex, food, respect & praise!

A man needs food, sex, praise, and respect. A man’s mega need is respect. Your husband can live without love but he must have respect. Respect is like the oxygen he breathes without oxygen he dies, without respect, he will suffocate. Find a way to meet his four basic needs; respect, food, praise, and sex. List out a number of ways you can meet each one of his basic male needs. Maybe you can make it all happen in one night. Remember women are the best multitaskers. Here are some smart ways to upgrade your love life. 

A. Food Tips- buy groceries. Cook, what I call  “two-day meals”; make soups and pasta that can easily be eaten for leftovers. Learn the quick 5 minutes meals, salads, sandwiches & nachos. Pack the freezer with meals that only need to be heated, chicken nuggets, and pizza. Have fresh fruits and vegetables with every meal. 

Ecc 9:7 …eat your food with gladness. 

B. Sex Tips -buy a new nightie, perfume soaps, read Song of Solomon together, give each other a back rub, be the sexiest kisser, and don’t read this if you’re single! HAHA

1 Corinthians  7:3-5 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs… Do not deprive each other of sexual relations…

C. Praise Tips -encourage him continually and constantly, find reasons to thank him. Never criticize him or make fun of him. 

Deut 1:38 …encourage him, for he will lead…

D. Respect Tips - Get educated on how a man likes to be shown respect. Have a date night and ask him how can you make him feel more respected? If you’re afraid to ask your husband then ask a friend who’s been married for a long and godly happy marriage - how she shows respect. And then share with us all your helpful hints. 

Ephesians 5:33 …let the wife see that she respects her husband.

#4 Be quick to forgive... someone who forgives builds a loving marriage 

It is always easy to fight back but the godly person knows how to bring peace! 

God’s nature is peace, his very name is Prince of Peace and his kingdom is defined by peace. Make a marriage that is filled with peace, forgiveness, and love. Philippians 4:7 ... peace will control the way you think and feel.  2 Thessalonians 3:16 ... the Lord himself, who is our source of peace, give you peace at all times and in every way.

Learn to let little things go easily. Don’t ever nag. Be optimistic. 

Always speak with kindness. Proverbs 15:1 says… A soft answer turns away wrath. 

Humble yourself and say will you forgive me, if you have offended him. Psalms 86:5 …forgiving and abounding in love. 

Build a loving and happy marriage by Making Smart Decisions For Your Love Life through deciding to love him out of commitment, not feelings, learning to be a giver, not a taker, know and understand how to meet a man’s needs, and quickly and easily be forgiving. 

In celebration of 38 years of marriage on January 28th, I hope what I have learned brings you the same success. Let me know which of these 4 points will help you?